what is it with hair? why are women so desperately trapping the image of their feminine identity in their hair. or better yet MY hair?? as if we dont have enough gender stereotyping in the world at large, we must attach those ideals to our children etc.
iv been cutting my hair shorter&shorter since I passed 35. its liberating to me, its actually made me feel more feminine.
ive never looked back or wished it was longer again. well maybe the bangs.
my mother has always been self conscious to the point of it seeming crippling, I swear im not just being dramatic. those who dont know her clearly as well as I do assume its because she suffers from alopecia(hair loss). this I am not discounting in the slightest. but the fact is that she was always the type to put makeup on before going to the corner store, thought she was fat in that dress or frumpy in those pants&always assumed people(particularly younger women) were staring at her, makes this phase of her life different only in its severity. oh mamma. dont be silly id say. but now because of her hair loss I cant say anything that really makes her feel shes beautiful&attractive regardless. After all that comes from inside.
the hair or lack of it, is a huge deal. I get that. she said if I CAN grow my hair, then I should.
but whats sad is that she said I looked like a "dyke" when I cut my hair. in other words I looked "butchy" therefor not feminine&therefor NOT attractive.
this made me cut my hair shorter. then I faded it on the left side. it looked kick ass&everyone loved it. including the cute 26yr old boy I was seeing at the time.
I loved it even more cuz I did it my damn self! it was quite empowering, and still is.
but it brought to light an ugly truth about stepping outside the visual "norm". not only do people not like it, but they seem to take offence to it, as if they have some right to form some type of assumption about my sexual preference based on my hairstyle, as if they have some personal stake in the matter.
people responded as if they resented me(its just f***ing hair!!!) which seems to indicate some feeling of ownership, particularly in men. ohhh male entitlement, even in regards to complete strangers hair styles. men who were previously centered on staring at my a** were instantly pissed off that my hair posed as a distraction to their objectification of me i guess.
a particular level of disappointment goes to the guys who treated me with such disdain I actually felt physically threatened. and iv never felt that way in my goddamn life.
yet still my hair is short, as it will remain so, due to be shaved down on the left side again. I remain fierce in the assumption that it makes choosing new friends quite simple, either take me as I am, or dont take me at all.
so for me, nothings changed ;)
