so what is it

not looking to over analyze, and i can't put my finger on it, but i guess for some reason i'm feeling particularly melancholy at this particular moment in time.
maybe it was a late night phone call hier soir that sent me on this type of flow, i'm not for certain, but whatever it is,
got me feeling kind of haunted in a way.
maybe it was listening to the sound of his voice in the dark, though he wasn't in the same room, but i was wishin that he was.
not a lover, not a friend, somewhere on the way to becoming both, but a genuine effort at letting me know how he would be pursuing me. what a man! how can i not adore that?
and then there's this wonderful man at work, who ironically while i write this i am talking to on msn. i don't think we're each other's types in some ways(what is a type?), but i absolutely enjoy him in so many facets, adore his intelligence, his sensitivity and genuinely appreciate his friendship in every way. i look forward to coming in the office and catching a knowing glance. but the feeling shouldn't make me sad should it?
i guess it's my heart being pulled in different directions, making it increasingly difficult to understand which path i should follow, when normally my passionate nature makes it easy: i feel the shudder, hear the thunder and move.
i can't move now; i'm stuck in the middle.
it's the same sensation with mr late night phone call. the sound of his voice(love the sound of that man's voice), is what got me in the first place, it got me wanting to be with him in person; intrigued to see if i'd feel the same way.
and it was the most pleasant surprise, in fact "undefinable" is him. that's what i wrote the week after coming home from toronto where i spent time with him. did i mention he can sing?????oh my god that is truly the way to my heart. he has no idea. but i think he'll find out soon enough, he seems to actually be out for that, i mean, to find out what makes me, me. he seems real about it, seems to be able recognize that he's talking to a woman who's real about it too.
so what is it?what is he seeing?who is he seeing?
it's not all of me that 's for sure, he hasn't breached that emotional barrier in me yet. however i think he's the type that will want to. i'm not being arrogant, but i'm one of the few people around that can really make others feel comfortable with themselves. in the face of someone who already has foul intentions, that means a target. i'm not a target to him it seems, rather a source for more extensive exploration, and for the first time in a long time i feel i can allow some letting of the guard down to occur for that.
i've left things open for interpretation in terms of where this will lead us. i've let him know that i'm not specifically looking for a commitment, he already reminded me of what i said on that topic. seems it's got his back up in some small way. maybe only because he thinks it'll get in the way of being able to eventually have as much as he might be wanting to possess. from previous experience with men: that's everything
too many situations had them wanting more than they deserved given their own emotional output. this one i don't foresee behaving in that way, he's older. in fact i don't even know his age, but it seems he's close to 40. really though it don't matter one damn bit i am just enjoy taking full stock of each experience i haven with these people(because there is not just these two). there are so many options for men to get to know right now and few that seems like veritably sound options, i have no idea where to take it.
for now i will just let it rest and enjoy the time i have to get to know them on an individual level. i'm not going to put labels on either of them other than the one that's most important anyways. you know the title that men don't know how to spell "freind"?
am i ever blessed to have such options, and i certainly will never take them for granted.
i will just sit back, in my unassuming aquarian type way, and let it flow.
cast it out and reel it back in.